So- I’m saying it out loud. I’ve been in diabetes burnout the past few months. When did it start? Honestly, I cannot pinpoint an exact date, but I’d have to say it started this spring at some point. It definitely seemed like it was a little bit of burnout but then continued to add to itself to start looming over me- looming over me so much that I couldn’t deny it anymore.
When did I finally admit it to myself?
My passiveness when it came to management and just feeling pretty over the whole thing of a 24 hour chronic illness. Not wanting to acknowledge a possible pattern that might be trying to get my attention. Sometimes just pressing “enter bg” on my dexcom and use the number on the screen without actually using a finger stick to confirm. Sometimes annoying my kittens with the relentless beeping of my insulin pump when it ran out of insulin.
Yeah. I didn’t admit that all that was burnout until pretty recently.
But I have to say- it still doesn’t hold a candle to the burnout I experienced in 2013/2014 during my junior year of college. I truly believe that being honest about the parts that suck really do make a difference- at least for me.
I also still firmly believe that burnout doesn’t always arrive on all on its own with an announcement. Maybe it includes a plus one or maybe plus ten because it wants to be rude.
I can tell what started the beginning of my burnout. I can tell that it all started with my endo appointment early in 2017 and learning how much my A1C had gone up.
I wasn’t expecting it at all. I thought maybe 0.1 or 0.3, but up 1.4 points total? Yeah. Nope.
Looking at my graphs, and data, and everything else my endo could gather and analyze. It was the issues with PCOS and endometriosis that had flared up the summer before. Months of issues and changing medications and constant periods.
It was disheartening to feel like I had worked so hard and done (most of) the right things. That I made adjustments as needed. That my blood sugars, despite the fact that I was having such major issues with my period, were actually cooperating. Of course there was that few weeks of chaos- but a jump that high?
And my endo agreed. It was my period and other health things going on that were impacting it that much.
So a few months after that, the burnout started. It was things here and there until it was bopping me on the face like my kittens do to wake me up for food.
So a few weeks ago, I stopped denying I had burnout. I admitted it to myself. And now- besides a tweet- I’m admitting it here. I adjusted a pattern. I told my endo. I started doing what I needed to process the burnout.
Burnout happens. It’s okay. It’s different for everyone.
I’m coming out of it. One step and moment at a time. This time it didn’t spill over into the rest of my life as much as it did several years ago. So it’s just about those steps related to diabetes. It’s about knowing it was here and is still here, but it’s fading slightly into the background.
Diabetes Burnout Happens
And It’s Not One and Done
Editor’s Note: This was originally published in July 2017 and was updated for clarity and accuracy in February 2019.
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