Gives myself some credit- easy…. right? Definitely easier said than done…

Okay…

Give myself some credit.

Say it again…

Give myself some credit. 

anddddd again…

Give myself some credit. 

Is it sticking yet?

How many times do I have to say it? or point out to myself where the credit is due? Or where to give myself a break? 

Like I’ve said several times- I, Mindy Bartleson, am my own WORST CRITIC! It’s a constant work in progress.

and boyyyyyyyyyyyyy did my own inner critic really rip me a new one after my endocrinologist appointment about a week ago.

At my appointment before this most recent one- my a1c went up 0.5- which for me is a pretty big jump (in either direction). I try very hard to tell myself it’s just data- just a number- but it is something I struggle with- with myself specifically. I was little upset, but my endo easily calmed me down- she noted the period crap I was going through- and periods plus diabetes- WHAT FUN!

and in all honesty- when the issues with my period started again in December- (at least I wasn’t holding my breath…. since I don’t really trust my body anymore)- I assumed my a1c would probably go up a little bit more- which it did- but I wasn’t expecting it to go up another 0.9!!!!!! I immediately thought… since all this period crap started up again in July…. my a1c has gone up 1.4 points…. ummmmm…. DOES THE OBGYN HEAR ME NOW???

All I could think about was that huge jump. and that it’s the highest it’s been since early high school- 10 years ago…

I just look at my endo- trying to hold it all in. Keep myself composed and together. Worried that maybe I’m just blaming my period.

She’s looking at my numbers and the data all togther. So I “ask what’s next?”

Apparently- what’s next is me not having a period at all- the plan with continuous and trying to find an OBGYN on my side. She agrees- okay- well at least I’m not doing the blame game. 

But my emotions are still stirring inside me. Feeling resentment that an OBGYN won’t just listen to me- to make sure we work for no period… But mostly- I’m starting to beat myself up. 

She tells me-

I’m doing fine. My a1c is still within a pretty healthy range- even if it’s not “my range.” I’ve been bleeding for several months straight- on and off with no pattern or warnings- so how am I supposed to prepare? I have other priorities right now. The stress. 

and most of all- that I’m trying.

 

but… but… it went up 1.4 points over the course of 6 months…

I think of what I could do differently. Maybe I could have fought a little harder. Then- I start to spiral- my domino effect kicks in- and I keep at this…

But-

what would I have done differently? I’m still trying to figure it out. How much harder do I have to fight to get someone to listen to me- well… maybe this increased a1c will be enough proof for them…

I go home and put on “Legally Blonde”- which is my favorite movie and go to self-care when I’ve had a really rough day- and my kittens curled up with me- and I tried to ignore it for a little while… I tried to give myself some credit. (look out for my DiabetesSisters post soon- about this specific to my period!)

The next day- I posted- asking for recommendations for an OBGYN- yep- something I should have done differently- word of mouth always works out the best for me. (and hopefully this all works out)

But I need to give myself some credit. Which I struggle to do.

So- while I try to do better and give myself some credit- I hope that you will too-

So- give yourself some credit- not just for numbers- but also for all kinds of things (and the little things too)

Give yourself some credit-

• When you change your lancet
• When you guess the carb counts on the money for something like pizza
• For not over-treating a low in the middle of the night while you’re in that survival mode feeling while half-awake
• When you actually forget you have diabetes- even for just a moment.
• When you take your long acting insulin on time
• When you remember to pre-bolus (or give insulin before a meal if not on the pump)
• When you change your site on time- specifically not running out of insulin
• Checking your ketones when your BG is above target
• Not running out of supplies
• Scheduling those doctor’s appointments
• Learning something new
• Standing up for yourself
• Emptying out the used strips before they completely take over your case
• acknowledging your emotions related to diabetes

AND

• If you’re at a point in your life- where you’re burned out- and maybe don’t want to check your BG or give insulin- DEFINITELY give yourself some credit for doing those things- even if it’s just once more than usual- because once more than usual is a step in the right direction- it’s not all or nothing.

and I could go on- I mean- what do you give yourself credit for? Because we should. I need to practice what I preach, right?

(not my image)

 

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We’ll both be glad you did! -Mindy