Gives myself some credit- easy…. right? Definitely easier said than done…
Give myself some credit.
Say it again…
Give myself some credit.
Give myself some credit.
Is it sticking yet?
How many times do I have to say it? or point out to myself where the credit is due? Or where to give myself a break?
Like I’ve said several times- I, Mindy Bartleson, am my own WORST CRITIC! It’s a constant work in progress.
and boyyyyyyyyyyyyy did my own inner critic really rip me a new one after my endocrinologist appointment about a week ago.
At my appointment before this most recent one- my a1c went up 0.5- which for me is a pretty big jump (in either direction). I try very hard to tell myself it’s just data- just a number- but it is something I struggle with- with myself specifically. I was little upset, but my endo easily calmed me down- she noted the period crap I was going through- and periods plus diabetes- WHAT FUN!
and in all honesty- when the issues with my period started again in December- (at least I wasn’t holding my breath…. since I don’t really trust my body anymore)- I assumed my a1c would probably go up a little bit more- which it did- but I wasn’t expecting it to go up another 0.9!!!!!! I immediately thought… since all this period crap started up again in July…. my a1c has gone up 1.4 points…. ummmmm…. DOES THE OBGYN HEAR ME NOW???
All I could think about was that huge jump. and that it’s the highest it’s been since early high school- 10 years ago…
I just look at my endo- trying to hold it all in. Keep myself composed and together. Worried that maybe I’m just blaming my period.
She’s looking at my numbers and the data all togther. So I “ask what’s next?”
Apparently- what’s next is me not having a period at all- the plan with continuous and trying to find an OBGYN on my side. She agrees- okay- well at least I’m not doing the blame game.
But my emotions are still stirring inside me. Feeling resentment that an OBGYN won’t just listen to me- to make sure we work for no period… But mostly- I’m starting to beat myself up.
She tells me-
I’m doing fine. My a1c is still within a pretty healthy range- even if it’s not “my range.” I’ve been bleeding for several months straight- on and off with no pattern or warnings- so how am I supposed to prepare? I have other priorities right now. The stress.
and most of all- that I’m trying.
but… but… it went up 1.4 points over the course of 6 months…
I think of what I could do differently. Maybe I could have fought a little harder. Then- I start to spiral- my domino effect kicks in- and I keep at this…
what would I have done differently? I’m still trying to figure it out. How much harder do I have to fight to get someone to listen to me- well… maybe this increased a1c will be enough proof for them…
I go home and put on “Legally Blonde”- which is my favorite movie and go to self-care when I’ve had a really rough day- and my kittens curled up with me- and I tried to ignore it for a little while… I tried to give myself some credit. (look out for my DiabetesSisters post soon- about this specific to my period!)
The next day- I posted- asking for recommendations for an OBGYN- yep- something I should have done differently- word of mouth always works out the best for me. (and hopefully this all works out)
But I need to give myself some credit. Which I struggle to do.
So- while I try to do better and give myself some credit- I hope that you will too-
So- give yourself some credit- not just for numbers- but also for all kinds of things (and the little things too)
Give yourself some credit-
- When you change your lancet
- When you guess the carb counts on the money for something like pizza
- For not over-treating a low in the middle of the night while you’re in that survival mode feeling while half-awake
- When you actually forget you have diabetes- even for just a moment.
- When you take your long acting insulin on time
- When you remember to pre-bolus (or give insulin before a meal if not on the pump)
- When you change your site on time- specifically not running out of insulin
- Checking your ketones when your BG is above target
- Not running out of supplies
- Scheduling those doctor’s appointments
- Learning something new
- Standing up for yourself
- Emptying out the used strips before they completely take over your case
- acknowledging your emotions related to diabetes
- If you’re at a point in your life- where you’re burned out- and maybe don’t want to check your BG or give insulin- DEFINITELY give yourself some credit for doing those things- even if it’s just once more than usual- because once more than usual is a step in the right direction- it’s not all or nothing.
and I could go on- I mean- what do you give yourself credit for? Because we should. I need to practice what I preach, right?
(not my image)
Hey you! Yes, you!
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We’ll both be glad you did! -Mindy