“That was that. I had my plan. My plans don’t change much unless I have room for them to change. Well- until this summer when I decided to change my plans- well actually I delayed and kind of changed them. AND for those who do not know me. I like to plan and I do not like to change plans. This hasn’t been easy, and I’m still adjusting. “
I’m still going to a major U.S. city in the North after I graduate. I will be going to Law School, but not right now. That’s the change. I changed my plans without another plan already in place, and for those of you who know me- that is a scary thing. I did A LOT of thinking this summer- after going back and forth, making lists, talking with loved ones, thinking, research, and so much more- I made my decision.
A lot of people mentioned taking a break before law school, but it was never on my radar. I didn’t want to lose momentum. The question of health insurances is ALWAYS on the brain; Diabetes will do that to you. And it’s what I wanted to do.
Well, after Junior year of college- honestly probably harder than my Freshman year. The combo of Diabetes Burnout and school work and how busy I was all added up. I started to feel burnout on school; I was over it. I was ready to be done. I was ready to graduate. But in my head I wanted to keep pushing through.
This summer- I realized that might not be so good. If I am burned out right now for senior year, how am I going to feel about 3-4 more years of school? Not just school- law school and grad school!
I took the LSAT, and according to the world- I did pretty well. BUT- to my standards, I didn’t do as well as I wanted to. I want to do well enough to not just get into a top 50 (Tier 1) Law school, but I also would love to get as much of it paid for as possible.
This summer when I got my scores back, I decided I wanted to take it again. The next test is in October, and I wanted a break from studying for it. I also couldn’t imagine studying adequately with everything going (including feeling better). I will be taking the LSAT in February as of now- I do not want to take the LSAT during my year or so off. I want a complete and total school break.
The Thyroid stuff didn’t help at all. My new endo is thinking Thyroiditis, and she feels bad that nothing was done until my number got back to normal which is recent. From what I’ve read and hear, it takes a while to get back to normal.
I’m starting to feel better. My hair isn’t falling out like it was. My skin isn’t as dry. I’m not getting as over-heated. I stopped taking aleve (for sleep and so I wouldn’t ache and feel crummy during the day). Exercising isn’t painful- I am getting my strength back. I’m not feeling as anxious. I still have problems focusing- but it’s better. Plus so much more. I’m not all the way better, but I’m on my way- it takes a while. I kind of threw myself into my normal pace a little too quickly. But I wanted to get back to normal- well my normal. I cannot imagine studying for the LSAT and applying to law school when I still don’t feel all the way better- and what if it takes a while to get there? I want to make sure I study adequately and fully for the LSAT, and I want my applications to represent me correctly.
There is also so much going on this year. I feel just as busy as ever even without my part time job. Dawgs for Diabetes is taking off. My senior year with classes and internships is crazy. Plus the other things I am involved in, and hobbies and such.
As I am thinking about it- I cannot imagine applying to law school or taking the LSAT right now. Instead I am throwing myself into Dawgs for Diabetes and other activities I enjoy. I’m making sure I relax.
This is what I need to do in all honesty. It feels right to me. For some, it took people a lot of convincing that law school was the way I should go- because it wasn’t in their plans or their views- sorry too bad. But now they have to be convinced of this again? Some people accepted my major (Social Work) because I was going to law school, and now they are questioning this because I am not going right away.. I enjoy my major thank you very much. My career/life aspirations are “too liberal” “why does it matter?” “you won’t make any money” “the north is not the place for you/why would you want to move to the city?” Well too bad. Are you me? Is this your life? And typically- did I even ask you?
I’ll follow my own dreams and “plan changes,” shouldn’t you think about focusing on your own?
“Let the refining and improving of your own life keep you so busy that you have little time to criticize others.” –H. Jackson Brown JR
Making this change is hard enough as it is honestly. I’m still accepting it myself. I’m still adjusting to making a change without having a plan already set. I have moments where I freak out a little bit still, and they have become less frequent than this summer. That’s how I live my life. Everyone says you can’t plan your life out- well I try to plan a lot of it out as much as I can. I have always accepted there are some things you cannot control, but I enjoy planning. I enjoy working towards something.
Someone in my life told me that they are more proud of me for this decision than they would be if I had gotten into Harvard Law school- because changing plans is hard for me, and I am doing what I need to do for myself.
But having people making comments and judgments and disapproving- it’s a little hard. I do typically run with I don’t care what others think. It’s true to an extent. I don’t really care about what the world thinks. But it can still hurt- especially coming from people in your life that you care about.
I am tired of having to justify myself. Explain myself. Hear that someone found out and passed judgment. Decision made. No offense- but what you have to say won’t change my mind. My mind is set.
It’s a little hard thinking that right now- in my plan- I should have been applying to law schools right now (or early October- depending on when applications open). It’s also hard because I keep getting emails from Law schools- some even on my list- telling me to apply, that my application fee is waived, that I already qualify for scholarships and grants. Until later right?
I have some ideas; there are definitely some solid and hopeful options for my time off. – and I cannot wait to explore them and find out more about them. I have hope and hopes for my time off. I also haven’t set a time frame yet- it depends on what I end up doing. I want to make sure that I am making a difference with my time off in a city doing something I enjoy- and that’s what matters.
Who knows exactly where I will be in a year? And in all honesty- It’s terrifying and exciting all at the same time. But that’s how life can be. All I can do is try my hardest and make a new plan over this school year. Let’s see what comes my way. (while I still freak out and adjust to not having a plan at the same time).
Stay tuned for updates! I cannot wait to share when I do have plan!
–Love, Words, Inspiration, and Insulin! -Until next time! and Until We Have a Cure!
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2 thoughts on “Plans Change! Why I did. (Part 2 of 2)”
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