So I keep thinking, and I don’t know why I bother thinking this, that I’m not going to be as busy. That I’m going to have more time on my hands. That I’m going to power through on netflix and binge watch some shows, watch those 100 Greatest movies. Read those 20+ books I have. NOPE. NOT A CHANCE- but you know- what that’s really okay- I don’t mind- I like being busy- I thrive when I’m busy- I’m actually not that stressed- everyone just assumes so. I’ve got work- LSAT studying to do, Dawgs for Diabetes, and camp soon. All that stuff- including cleaning my room is taking a back seat. That will all change soon. Well add an internship in there in the fall- but I won’t have any law school stuff to do by around October- what will I do with myself? I said I’m a work-a-holic in the making- someone corrected me and said I already am one- oh well? I’m teaching myself to relax more- and I schedule it. That’s what matters what? and I love what I do.
Here I am at work- in between shifts- ready to take my practice LSAT- and NOPE- LOW. OF COURSE. and people are still chilling after their meals- so it’s kinda loud. so I’m waiting- and trying to finish this post- so I can write another tomorrow- because this will be a four part series. See- got inspired! I was hoping to write one yesterday- but I was too exhausted.
Update- did not finish until two days later- I ought to just make sure my posts are well polished and have a publish time set automatically. Lesson learned. I got distracted by other things and other possible posts. OOPS.
But here it goes- back on topic.
Ever wonder, if you know, why I made a name change to my JDRF Walk team last year? or why it’s that name. I’m very against “growing up”- but my walk name team has. It started as Animal Walkers for Mindy. Then Freshman year of high school I decided on Mindy’s Diabetic Freaks. After Diabetes Awareness month in November 2012 I decided to change it again- I’m thinking it was my one last time? We will see.
I changed it because I realized so many people had grown to become heroes in my eyes.
To Mindy’s Heroes (also my walk team name now),
This is for the people who aren’t required to invest in the Diabetes community. This isn’t the doctors, endos, family members, significant others, and so on. Although they are important too, and they are also heroes.
These are the people who could have easily walked away. People who could have decided to not learn anything. People who don’t do what I mention in the later part of this post. People who could have not taken notice to what is going. People who didn’t have to step up- but they did.
To the teachers who looked up more information than needed so my family and I would feel safe. Who didn’t tell me I was faking it. Who buy walk shirts. Who comment on all my Diabetes related posts.
To the kind person who is intrigued by my Diabetes related shirt, my medical bracelet, my meter, my pump, and so on- who ask me questions because either they know someone or they want to learn a little more. You’re awesome. Did you see my face light up? Because I LOVE talking Diabetes. I also guarantee that the person you know would love the fact that you noticed I have Diabetes too. I love spreading the knowledge because honestly I think knowledge can fix so much. If I tell you a little about something Diabetes- maybe you’ll tell someone- or correct someone who might be making a Diabetes joke. Maybe you’ll work with someone who has Diabetes- a child, a young adult, a co-worker- and you already know a little something- the ripple effect-becoming one of my favorite things.
Now to the people who make my heart smile every day- those who embrace my diabetes management. My friends, classmates, and co-workers who want to know more. Who want to know what they can do if need be. I firmly believe that the people in your daily life need to know what to do in case of an emergency- for real! When you listen to my rants or excitements- when you listen to me about my highs and lows even if they don’t completely understand.
Those who draw blue circles on their hands, wear blue, volunteer at camp, go to walks, get shirts, raise money, help support Dawgs for Diabetes, and so much more- you are my heroes.
All the people who believe in my crazy dreams- who encourage the fact that I’m crazy- who even take part in the crazy.
Believing in me- that’s a powerful thing honestly. I will always remember that wherever I go and no matter what I do- or how long it has been. I will always remember. I will also honestly compare new people who enter my life to you. Which probably isn’t fair. But they’ve got big shoes to fill- well not fill- but you know what I mean.
Here’s where I kind of go off on a rant.
You see I live by if you don’t accept my Diabetes you really don’t accept me. This was more of a problem in high school than now but it still happens. I know- maybe that seems harsh. But- it makes up a lot of who I am, my family- CAMP, what I want to do, etc- so not embracing that makes me feel like you aren’t embracing or accepting a huge part of my life. I don’t mean that you have to be an expert. I don’t mean that you have to get involved in the Diabetes community. I don’t mean that there isn’t anything more to me than Diabetes because there is- trust me. You don’t really have to do anything or know everything. You just have to respect me.
I really don’t want to find out you believe I’m faking it because what happens if I’m not and I might need your help- but you think I’m faking it? Also you don’t really know how I’m feeling- it’s an invisible illness after all. I don’t want pity- that makes me feel awkward (not the kind of awkward I embrace). I don’t want to become your project because you feel bad (or even frustrated) about me living with Diabetes- I can’t even go more into that. I don’t need to be fixed- who are you to decide that? I don’t want your charity- I’m doing perfectly fine. I need you to understand that Diabetes is real thing, and I can’t just manage it without any bumps in the road. You can’t believe that A+B=C every time sometimes it’s Z instead of C. Sometimes there are so many other factors. Don’t ignore or down play how passionate I am about this and what I want to do- or challenge WHY I am. Welcome to my hot button please sit down (FOR A LONG TIME) while I explain to you why this is important to me. Why I believe I need to do what I want to do. Why I am me. You don’t have to agree with me but do not even try to belittle me. Being annoyed sure- I can understand- I’m a little crazy- but don’t try to bring me down or be negative about anything or try to change my mind- none of that will work.
All this will do is make me lose respect for you if I try to talk to you about it, and you don’t listen. It will make me second guess why you are in my life. I’ve had people not support me or not believe in me, especially when the times have been rough- and believe me there’s been a lot of those. The ones who leave when I might need or want them to stay, you can’t come back whenever you want. Honestly, that’s something that has changed for me. You don’t get endless chances. You don’t get to choose when you are a part of my life. You’re either there for the rough and the AMAZING times or not at all.
I’ve had people who I used to call friends show up again all of the sudden because I’m doing well in college and life (at least I think so)- I won’t push you away or be angry with you anymore- but I know. I remember. I remember when you walked out of my life. I remember your words. I’m honestly not angry but I won’t be played. I assume that after I get into Law school and then when I become a lawyer this will happen all over again, and I will react the same way again.
“If you’re absent during my struggle, don’t expect to be present during my success.”- Will Smith
Friends and a Diabetes Game Plan from Diabetesaliciousness comes into mind- why it’s important your friends are informed.
Sorry I got a little side tracked. Sorry this wasn’t a completely happy go lucky post. With everything that is going on- I thought this fit as well, and I needed to say something. Some love letter and some real talk?
If I ever ever ever ever get published (hypothetically- I do want to write as well)- my dedication page will be sassy- It will be dedicated those who believe in me and were there for me. BUT it will also be for the people who didn’t- to the people who kept telling me no- (say hello to my yes).
Love, Words, Inspiration, and Insulin! -Until next time! and until there’s a cure!
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