I hear you. I see you.

Your words are deafening.

You silence speaks volumes.

Your actions are telling.

I hear your comments-

• “I’ll be fine. I’m not high risk. I don’t have to worry”
• “Let’s break quarantine”
• “It’s just the flu”
• “I’ll be fine- why stop my life”

I hear you in your conference rooms. I hear the words come from your posts on social media. What is said and as they say- a picture is worth a thousand words.

I could hear the lack of hand washing. I could see you not cover your mouth when you coughed. I hear you brag about not feeling well and still going out and about your normal life- and not just the necessities but the things that could wait…

I see you stockpiling without consideration of others.

I see you still going out to bars.

I see those who still have to go to work because they cannot be remote.

I see the businesses doing what they need to do and before they are required to do. I see the actions you are taking- which you should be taking- as a focus on PR. These are things I will remember as a customer.

I see people scarily… not getting it- and many not caring to.

I am also disappointed- I am disappointed in many organizations.

and I’m not holding back in my disappointment.

I see you trying to join the frenzy- to be part of the “trending” conversations. I see that your posts haven’t been regularly updated as things develop and quickly.

I see your silence too- and not just in the waiting for reliable information or approval sense…

I see that your post might start with don’t panic- and to a community that is often in panic mode… I can’t. I can’t even scroll further down the page.

I see your lack of information. I see you wanting credit.

I see the populations you serve scared and asking for answers. But I just keep seeing the same information chewed out in different formats.

I see your finger pointing in the diabetes space- it’s type 2 and not type 1 it’s about how you take care of it and your A1C- it’s about the comorbidities or complications. We don’t definitively know that! That’s dangerous information and playing the blame game many type 1’s and especially their parents frequently play- frequently point the finger.

Don’t you see? You’re doing the same thing as the people saying “well I’m not high risk”.

I see the things that have often been problems in these communities and organizations- but it is really glaring to me now.

This isn’t shiny. This is something you’re excited to be posting about. It doesn’t fit your brand. This isn’t the photo of a child to earn you fundraising dollars or loyalty. This isn’t the success story of “look what we can do”. This isn’t specific to a certain condition.

This is real life right now. This is a pandemic.

But I also see the good.

I see the friend ask questions or sharing information even when they aren’t at high risk.

I see someone start to question the lack of information or believing EVERY single thing they hear no matter the source- and they start to investigate.

I see people really show up. By their actions and their check-ins. By skipping a drinking holiday. By being aware of their actions.I see the dating apps making it easier for me to swipe left on someone.

I see those with various chronic illnesses and various reasons they are high risk come together-

Which doesn’t happen all that often- we are often “stuck” in our specific illness(es). But #HighRiskCovid19 was something to see- heartbreaking but also empowering.

Another form of small talk

I hear you ask “how are you holding up” but I hear the same old question of “how are you” when you don’t want the truth- you want “good” or “fine” even if I feel like I’m drowning. Talk about the weather instead.

I’m not saying I’m holding up just fine. Because in some ways I am but in other ways I’m not.

I will say and acknowledge that I am glad I work somewhere that permits me to work from home. That I have a boss who okayed me to start working from home before the call was made.

I will say that I am privledged to be able to get most of what I need.

I will say that I am VERY glad I switched to depo. That I’m not as run down.

I will say that I’m grateful I live in Massachusetts for the things that have gone into planning and the actions being take by the government but also the communities.

But at my core? I’m not truly okay. I am worried for myself and for others that are considered “high risk”. I am worried about supplies I need to function and to live- even though they say to not worry about access to supplies.

I am anxious about what is going on around me and inside of me.

I am trying to make sure I keep routine. To do activities I enjoy and not all at once. (Which sadly doesn’t include pottery). I am talking with people in my life more- through phone calls, funny memes, and random texts.

I am thinking of the illnesses I am diagnosed with. I see the numbers and the data. I don’t need reminders- but they are everywhere- in most news coverage and the things I already know about sickness in general with my diagnoses.

I am all about trying to keep spirits up. I am even for funny memes (as long as they aren’t demeaning to anyone or any group).

But I’m not for lying or stuffing things down.

But that doesn’t take away from the situation we are in. That doesn’t take away from my fears that are deep in my core. That especially doesn’t take away from how I view people, businesses, and organizations differently, now

I don’t care about the popular opinion or playing nice by just smiling and sending a smile emoji or “sure thing”. This how I feel.

Last week, I felt my anxiety increase and OCD start to really makes it way through obsessing at work. Through becoming debilitating in aspects of my life again. I started to realized I was trying to stuff my anxiety and thoughts about the Coronavirus as far away as possible. I started writing. Some of this post is from then, and I have to sadly it all still applied at least to me. I started to be blunt about how I felt. I started to share exactly what I felt but also what I was seeing and hearing- especially the negative conversations of “at least I’m not high risk” and then there barely being any information available to try and learn or at least help with some of the fears.

I started sharing the not so great things on social media- the calling things out and more.

I started to feel better. I felt more in control of my life and that OCD wasn’t running away with it because I was no longer running aware from how I was really feeling- which is mostly-

Scared and disappointed.

I will only include information to the CDC for so many reasons as a source about the coronavirus. I will also post to information about #HighRiskCovid19 because of my appreciation for it and those behind it.

This has all really told me who people are and what organizations (and businesses) might really be about to their core. For the good and the bad. This will stay with me.

I Hear You. I See You. (Thoughts as #HighRiskCovid19)

Hey you! Yes, you! 

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We’ll both be glad you did! -Mindy