A few months ago, I went on medication for my anxiety for the first time. I was more against it than I had been about medication for my ADHD.
“So you’re taking medication for your ADHD on the weekends so that you don’t get as anxious. Is that really what the ADHD medication is for?” pause. “and I know you say you feel way better. ADHD. Stress. Anxiety. Especially with this new chapter of your life. And you think you are “normal.” But how could you know what that is when you’ve been in survival mode for over 10 years. How do you know what not being anxious feels like?”
And those two statements stuck with me. I didn’t want to be on another medication. And I’m sure some of it has to do with the stigma. But a huge part of it was that I did not want to take another medication. I already take so many. But I was taking a medication for something that it wasn’t supposed to help.
So I decided I’d give it a try.
I was a little nervous. And I was nervous to not take ADHD meds on the weekend. So the first weekend I still took them. And I was told it’d take some time for it to take effect.
So the next weekend. I didn’t take the ADHD meds. And I didn’t feel anxious without them.
I was worried that the placebo effect was happening because I was like- wait- I don’t feel super anxious. I could see it when I had the dexcom issues and didn’t completely meltdown or reach a breaking point.
But- I knew it was a thing when my period came. And usually when I get my period- my anxiety goes THROUGH THE ROOF. And my bg spikes SO much the day before.
And don’t get me wrong. I still got anxious- but it wasn’t as debilitating. And I still had a BG spike, but it didn’t seem quite as bad.
And that’s when I knew. I knew it was helping.
And when I went into my next appointment, I shared all of this. And who knows if I’ve now done all I can to be “stable” but I’d say it’s pretty damn close- and I don’t really remember not being anxious- so this feels like cloud 9.
One of the moments that really hit home for me was getting lunch with one of my best friends growing up. I hadn’t seen him in months. And after sitting down for a while- he asked if I was okay? I wasn’t as jumpy and scattered. And having someone else point it out without knowing the change yet- that’s something.
So- even though I was totally against any form of medication- over the past year, I have started taking two of them for my mental health. I definitely learned that being stubborn and scared can sometimes be a problem. But as long as my gut isn’t going haywire or anything and I’ve done my research and am making my own decisions- I should be open to things. I’m glad I finally was because it has made a world of difference.
(This is the third post in a group of 3 that are all tied together).
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