I like to think I’m careful when it comes to Diabetes- I’m not talking about the management aspects- I’m talking about the balance in my life.

But- there are some days or even an entire week or weeks, where there’s “too much” Diabetes. Where it seems like a lot is going wrong, and there isn’t any room to take a lot out or move to later.

My blood sugar was high for about 24 hours with ketones earlier this week. Why- no idea- I even sent my pump data and CGM data to the nurse who spoke with me on the phone. I DON’T do or handle being high very well- let alone ketones- let alone for more than an hour or so. I was freaking out trying to problem solve. But- I did go an entire two hours without looking at my CGM or checking my blood sugars- instructions from the nurse on the phone when she saw my “checking blood sugar constantly when high- OCD related” note on my information. (So go me?)

Speaking of- it will be almost 5 months between endocrinologist appointments– which- I’m not a fan of- I like every three months- especially at this point in my life. 

But I’m still looking for the right endo- especially after my last experience…  

Plus…. My old health insurance- I got my first bill- and turns out they pretty much barely paid for anything…. At all… So no way was I going to add another appointment to the mix.

And trying to look for another endo- only the fellows accepted my old health insurance.

Because I’m a Diabetes Supplies hoarder by trade, I had enough to get by. I chose to wait.

And speaking of insurance- trying to switch was an absolute nightmare because of my old health insurance- I basically had to go out swinging with them to get the necessary forms. )Ignoring emails. Making comments on the phone/overall poor customer service. Not sending things they claimed to send and etc etc.) I’m so happy to take them out of my life (almost).

And all of this- within a period of a few days? to be honest, completely exhausting. I’m pretty over it. I’m tired because of the lack of sleep and the battles over the phone and the stress of it all. I’m just feeling done with this week- not burnout or anything- just done with what happened and my “grrr” mood I’ve been fighting to get out of.

I’m ready for my endo appointment next week- and I’m hoping for the best. Within in two years- this will be my 7^th switch in care. I reached number 5 in GA, a year before I moved and finally found a care provider I liked (of course). So, I’m still on the hunt. I hope I’m done searching, but I won’t stop until I find someone I click with. Someone who I respect, but also respects me. Who will have a conversation with me. Who I can develop and grow a relationship with. Who I trust and feel comfortable with. Until then, I’ll keep searching.

Most of my life- the thing I dislike most about Diabetes? The rest of the world– which still holds pretty true.

But I saw two posts that resonated with me this week- and that made me feel grateful for the power of “me too.”

• Christel, “Tiny Bubbles of Grief”
• Renza “#HelloMyNameIs”

So- I’m currently sitting in a state of bitterness- but very ready for a weekend filled with self-care. Sometimes you need to let yourself feel- even the negative stuff. Ready for some serious alone time, crafting, music, and my favorite movies.